There were so many very cute little trick-or-treaters out this year. We participated a lot more this year than last. How much candy does a little boy need?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Halloween 2008
I did not get very many pictures. Cole got sick of pumpkin carving and decided that trying to undress was much more fun. I had no idea what he was doing because I was so focused on the pumpkin and its 3" thick walls! It took my almost an hour to carve a very unoriginal jack-o-lantern.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
My emotional dumping ground
No more please!
Today I went down to say good bye to my grandpa. Death is very strange to me. I have been preparing myself for my grandpa to die for a long time. The last few years have not been his best. My grandpa and I were never close, but there is a bond- a natural bond between grandparents and their grandchildren. All my life I loved and respected my grandparents. When my grandma died I was in 6th grade. It was really hard for me. For years I thought I had killed her. I remembered praying to God that if he could not make her better, please let her die and go to heaven. She did. Years later I realized I hadn't killed her, I hadn't been the only one saying that same prayer. I didn't kill her. . . I loved her and I didn't like seeing her suffer.
Today I said the same prayer for my grandpa. As an adult it was easy to say the prayer because my faith is stronger. My understanding of death and suffering is not good. I had been told what my grandpas condition was- well in a very Thorland sort of way- I was told. I got the jist of it, and I was ready for it. He was in so much pain, what could we do? What could anyone do? Can we do anything? Do we just sit here and do nothing? So we talked to him and prayed for him and filled the room up with people who love him. The doctor and nurses were very calm and kind and luckily they knew the drill. They were honest, helpful and caring. The hospice house was really a nice place. I told him that I love him, that I appreciate all that he has given me and taught me. That he has brought a great group of people into this world. He asked that we teach our boys to pray and I told him we would. I told him that I hope I make him proud. I said good bye to my grandpa tonight and I walked away. I spent the day looking at him, watching him struggle. I could not help him. It was time for me to leave, so I walked away. It was not easy to walk away.
As I crossed over the bridge and entered Wanamingo, my grandpa crossed over from his life here on earth and entered his home in heaven. I know he is well again and he will be home with his mom and dad, his first wife and their first three babies, his brother and numbers of others who have meant so much to him and our family who have gone before us. What brings us such sorrow here on earth brings such a celebration for his home coming in heaven. Congratulations grandpa, you are home. We will surely miss you until we meet again. We Love you.
Today I went down to say good bye to my grandpa. Death is very strange to me. I have been preparing myself for my grandpa to die for a long time. The last few years have not been his best. My grandpa and I were never close, but there is a bond- a natural bond between grandparents and their grandchildren. All my life I loved and respected my grandparents. When my grandma died I was in 6th grade. It was really hard for me. For years I thought I had killed her. I remembered praying to God that if he could not make her better, please let her die and go to heaven. She did. Years later I realized I hadn't killed her, I hadn't been the only one saying that same prayer. I didn't kill her. . . I loved her and I didn't like seeing her suffer.
Today I said the same prayer for my grandpa. As an adult it was easy to say the prayer because my faith is stronger. My understanding of death and suffering is not good. I had been told what my grandpas condition was- well in a very Thorland sort of way- I was told. I got the jist of it, and I was ready for it. He was in so much pain, what could we do? What could anyone do? Can we do anything? Do we just sit here and do nothing? So we talked to him and prayed for him and filled the room up with people who love him. The doctor and nurses were very calm and kind and luckily they knew the drill. They were honest, helpful and caring. The hospice house was really a nice place. I told him that I love him, that I appreciate all that he has given me and taught me. That he has brought a great group of people into this world. He asked that we teach our boys to pray and I told him we would. I told him that I hope I make him proud. I said good bye to my grandpa tonight and I walked away. I spent the day looking at him, watching him struggle. I could not help him. It was time for me to leave, so I walked away. It was not easy to walk away.
As I crossed over the bridge and entered Wanamingo, my grandpa crossed over from his life here on earth and entered his home in heaven. I know he is well again and he will be home with his mom and dad, his first wife and their first three babies, his brother and numbers of others who have meant so much to him and our family who have gone before us. What brings us such sorrow here on earth brings such a celebration for his home coming in heaven. Congratulations grandpa, you are home. We will surely miss you until we meet again. We Love you.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The days go by. . .
On Sunday we went to the Power show at the Old Log Pioneer Village. Cole really likes tractors. This was his "little boy heaven".
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Heavy heart
Maybe it is the full moon, maybe not. My heart is heavier today than it has been in a long time. It gets that way from time to time when heavy things happen so fast you don't have time to dump them. Two weeks ago a friend of mine died. I had stopped by his house to tell him and his wife my great news. Kevin and I are engaged. He would have loved to have heard that. I was very excited to tell him, he always asked me if Kevin had asked me yet. . .then he sort of did. . .that is another story for another time. . . When I arrived at their house- it was dark, the door was closed but not locked, the house was empty except for one thing was not missing that should have been missing if everything had been fine. . .the wheelchair. It had only been a short time before I had arrived that they took him to the hospital. There he died less then a week later. I attended his funeral. I was not at peace because I hadn't said what I needed to. I did not know if they were aware how much they mean to me. It was boldly obvious how they felt about me. I was recognized in writting in the funeral paper. (I have no idea what it is called). I was right there with all of the closest people. I was on there with family. I hope that I was as good to him as he was to me.
Last Saturday we nearly lost my nefew. No amount of love can keep a child safe at all times. Only by God's will was that child saved. While his life was being rescued by an angle of God, the rest of us were requesting God's presence inside. We had no idea what was happing outside, we did not hear the screams for help, we did not hear the baby crying, kicking water, gasping for air. .. we did not hear what was happening beyond the walls) we were reaching deep within ourselves deep in our hearts asking the Lord to be with my mom, to bring us a miracle. Could God bring a miracle that night, could he make my mom well again, could he keep her safe during her surgery, could he cure her, make her regain her muscles so that she could walk, get down on the floor and play with her grand children, go golfing with her husband, go shopping with her girls. . .do everything again. . .even laundry. There we all were, family and friends united, praying prayers of healing and asking for a miracle.
She never complains, she never says anything. . .she asks for a miracle, she believes in them. . .if we didn't before Saturday night, all of us that were there surly believe in them now. A limp lifeless body was dragged out of a pond, as soon as he was brought to shore he started coughing out the pond that had nearly killed him. Grandmother and grandson: two hearts, two spirits wound together so tight it is amazing. Both so tender, so pure- a grandmother who has raised three girls (who were openly admit they each posed their own unique challenges to their parents), and lived through other life challenges that might harden some people. . .not her, not my mom, nope. . . like water off a ducks back. You can't break her, you can't change her, she wears a very protective armor of Faith which in itself is proof that there is a God, a loving God. You can't know her and not believe it, when she tells her story, it changes people. It is like the purity of a childs heart. Carefree, unscared, fearless and resilient. That baby went home with a mother who loves him to pieces, he slept well- nobody else did. . .just the babies. A near death experience. . . like water off a ducks back.
Mom goes for surgery tomorrow. . .and I am having anxiety. She hardly mentions it, she doesn't seem to be nervous. Me I am crying like a baby here. I am nervous, how will she be treated, how will the surgery go, how much pain will she have, will she really heal in a week. What happens if they send her home and she isn't healed, we aren't ready for that.
I feel selfish, looking back at all of the preparation I could have done just in case- for mom and dad. The visits to friends, the words that need to be spoken, the unfinished business that never gets really finished. The baby I could spend more time with, could have stolen a few more hugs, paid more attention to.
Tonight my heart is heavy. I am glad that I can have a heavy heart. I have people to love and people who love me. Sometimes we have to carry a heavy heart, but only for a short time.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Monday-Monday
Another Monday. We had a nice rainy weekend at home. I got a few naps in, that never happens! Cole and Kevin were both sick with colds, so we sort of just hung out. My old neighbor stopped by with her daughter. I t was nice to see them. I wish they still lived next door. We went to Shannon's grad. party. I used to babysit Shannon and her two sisters and one of her brothers. Her older sister just recently got married and had a baby. I feel really stinkin' bummed out. It started with one grey hair a few weeks ago, now this. Hummm!
Kevin's birthday is Thursday- June 12th. Yep, he will still be older than me- sorry sweetie!
Coles vocabulary is growing rapidly! There isn't much he won't copy if he wants to. He is certianly showing signs of a wicked temper and boy is he stubborn, but sweet too. Those big blue eyes just melt me, and those darn cheeks are so pudgy and kissable. I just grab him and hug him and kiss him whenever I feel like it- now he trys to get away from me. I fear my baby may be turning the corner into little boyhood. He understands and may even follow some comands, "like take that to daddy" or "pick out a book". It is so cute.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
I love Saturday
Cole dressed up like a cowboy for his pictures. He was a very serious cowboy. No messing around!
New Pics Finally
Cole visited the Flom dairy farm where he met his first dairy cows and learned to say moo. He is 15 months old now. He says a lot of words now, I guess it is time for us to watch what we say.
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